When I was a child and my parents took me to the yearly visit to Gardaland (for us children heaven on Earth) i was forced to follow an unfair ritual consisting in a ride on the train surrounding the park, better known as the Gardaland express.
At this point, both my sister and I wondered why: we just wanted to run immediately towards the attractions that looked far more interesting to us, but despite this, for all those years we couldn't break this absurd order that my mother justified with the philosophic sentence “we must figure out”.
I have never managed to figure out what I should figure out.
The only thing I could figure out was that it was simply cruel to force me going around the park watching the other kids having fun on my favorite attractions.
Luckily things have changed and I'm now holding the matter with determination.
So during the trip for our second day in Marne la Vallče, Rob and I planned accurately every single movement, figuring out everything we wanted to do.
This time our adventure starts from the smaller park, that is Disney Studios, Eurodisney's little brother vaguely resembling the famous Universal Studios.
The park is dominated by a disturbing water tank with two embarrassing mouse ears on top that would make Topus happy and which even a clearly embarrassed information desk's operator used to teach us the way to the park.
At the beginning it's easy for us to move from an attraction to another thanks to the variable weather and to the very small queues, even if the attractions don't have the Fastpass yet, at all the attractions but this year's new ones.
Due to a technical problem in the Aerosmith's roller coaster (yes, you got it right), we decide to stay in theme and we try the attraction about the backstage of Armageddon.
Could something good come out of such a movie? Only time will tell.
The Rock'n Roller Coaster is a totally different story.
After a prelude in a fake recording studio with the rock band mentioned above, you are shot at full speed through a sequence of loopings and breathtaking sharp bands following the rhythm of the powerful rock of Tyler & Co. in a nearly completely dark environment.
We will try it two more times.
The long queues at all the other attractions convince us to try an unconvincing ride on the Studio Tram Tour Behind the magic, a trip on board an improbable tram on which Jeremy Irons tells about the wonders of the backstage of the special effects of famous movies like Dinotopia, that we were going to see.
The trip climax was a passage through a Canyon where an earthquake and a fire threatened a tanker with scenic results involving fire, explosions and floods that granted to get you wet.
At this point, could we miss a visit on the set of Reign of Fire? Honestly the only positive side was the dragon's breath of fire giving us some heat in Paris' cold morning.
Next, during our day, a big sign “welcome to radiator springs” introduces us to one of the new attractions of 207, similar to the classic mugs attraction but with Lightning McQueen & Co. instead of mugs in a funny reconstruction of the little town of the Pixar movie.
Obviously we take some pictures with the 1:1 scale models of Guido and Luigi; add to this that just a walk away there was a door guarded by Sullivan and Mike Wasowksy directly from Monsters Inc. and you have quite a good picture of how we spent our morning.
But there's no time to waste because Dinsey's magic concentrates in an unforgettable parade through the park's main street and we stand in first row to be sure we won't miss a second.
A dancing (so, this can't be Repetto either) Goofy opens the parade, followed by the chariot with Mickey and Minnie Mouse (of whose we draw the attention thanks to the sober ears I wear, while Roberto, who doesn't want to be left behind, became an elegant beaten Stitch).
Following, in random order, are the characters from Lion King, Mary Poppins with the Chimney Sweep and Toy Story coming after some exceptional green plastic soldiers (an ingenious cosplay).
Pinocchio, Peter Pan and Crudella De Vil couldn't miss what is a parade dedicated to the movie aspect of Disney's production.
We then queue to be the first in the row when Uncle Scrooge will show in the Toons area, but instead of him, none less than Mickey Mouse shows.
I decide that after all it is worth to take some pictures with the old good Mickey, but as soon as I get close, always sporting my Minnie's ears, he jumps on me clearly attempting to do me in front of a puzzled family complete with 4 years old children.
I work it out with a kiss on his nose, while he blushes hiding his face and the audience laugh for the unexpected show.
We had almost given up when we spot Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck (instead there had been nothing to do with the evil Jafar) and we manage to get the wanted picture pushing and pulling among sneaking Spanish people and nasty children from assorted countries.
Always thanks to the hopper ticket we move towards Eurodisney to end the visit we left incomplete the day before, including a photo report of the main parade.
I even have time to catch master Geppetto who first laughs at Roberto 'cause of his embarrassing ears and then wraps around me like he didn't need Viagra for his hidden purposes.
Could you possibly think that I go to Eurodisney and I have to beware of the stuffing of the puppet of my childhood's characters? Where will all of this end?...
We have time (also because there's no queue) for a fast tour around the interiors of the Nautilus, discovering the adventures of Captain Nemo.
We see in the distance the small planes of the Orbitron, whose steampunk style makes us wonder why the attraction is not dedicated to the Planet of Treasure, but we'll talk later about the big missing.
Standing on a patio from where we dominated the whole main street, enjoying a perfect visual, we are ready for the main parade.
Apart from the characters seen in morning, here it is the wonderful chariot of Alice with the Queen of Hearts, the Madhatter, the White Rabbit and the various cards.
Following is the joyful band of Winnie Pooh and his friends, with an exceptional jumping Tigger, the magnificent chariot of Disney's villains sporting beautiful Queen and Maleficent in flesh and bones and Ursula in full scale.
Of course the Jungle Book, the Little Mermaid on their chariots and the other famous princesses, that is Belle with Beast, Aladin with Jasmin, Snowhite with prince, Aurora with Philip and Cinderella with his friend, all on board a single chariot could not be missing.
All the characters are involving but a big part is played by the music, pumped all over the park by an hi-fi system that would put the one forecast by Douglas Adams in shame, giving a Dolby Surround 7.1 experience in each and every spot of the park.
At this point we have to tell you what this system plays all the time since the park opening: the new hits of the moment, soon on top of all the World hit parades, that is “Ciak Camera Action” and “Just Like A Dream”... we would sing them until the end of the vacation and we will “hardly” refrain from buying the double CD sold in the many shops around the park.
After the parade our smart planning gives fruits and we enter without queuing for the third round on the Space Mountain, the roller coaster in the dark that are joy and pain for our backs, after which we go to the enchanted passageway of Aladin where some of the most famous scenes from the movie are depicted, and the we finish our shopping and we go again towards Disney Studios.
This time we have no excuse and we have to get on the flying carpet of Aladin, the classic attraction with small planes flying around, in place of which there are flying carpets that can be controlled in height and pitch.
But before they kick us out we manage to start the queue for the last and most crowded attraction of the day (the queue never went below the 75 minutes peaking over 120), another 2007's novelty: Crush's Coaster.
It's a wagon type roller coaster where you board a turtle shaped wagon that will lead you in the deep ocean wih Crush and Nemo among colored jellyfishes, bubbles, vortexes and the strength of the Eastern Australian Stream.
The peculiarity of the coaster is that the wagon is let free to yaw, offering a new dimension to bumps and bends, if our spine ever needed more...
This time the queue was well worth it, I would have liked to do 5 more rounds.
We spend the following two hours finishing our shopping around Eurodisney and after a fast visit to Disney Village we decide we'll have dinner somewhere else (9 euro for an hamburger?), but our attention is dragged by the nearby Planet Hollywood that, despite not displaying attractive memorabilia, holds a real relic for all the fans of Back to the Future: the original leaflet inviting Hill Valley's citizens to save the clock tower... a tear of commotion.
There are some alternative t-shirts tempting me at the store, some of them sport glittered writings like “you can't afford me”, “he's not my boyfriend, he's my bodyguard” and “no photo please”, but I come back to myself thinking about how much money I already left in the shop for the porcelain miniature of Maleficent.
We come back home tired but extremely satisfied, after all also the weather hasn't been bad, avoiding rain for the whole day.
Personal thought: I should become the artistic director of this park, not only because I could exploit all the characters' potential and peculiarities, putting them in the right attraction with the right choreography, but also because I would know how to place them all.
One of the things that puzzled me most is the total lack of some important Disney's characters of whom little if not nothing can be found around the park in terms of both gadgets and attractions.
Fancy some examples? Hercules, Hunchback of Notre Dame (that takes place in Paris!), The Black Cauldron, Mulan, The Rescuers, Aristocats, Lady And The Trump, 101 Dalmatians, The Emperor's New Groove and others.
Roberto's corner: I have decided that my DNA won't be broadcast to our future, at least not in a natural way.
I know that to many people this news will be a relief, but I can't think of a better way to contribute to lowering the world population of nasty kids.
If you think I'm being too drastic, have a walk around Eurodisney and then sign in for my club.